WORST

Worst Invention:

Bladder Buddy

Easily the worst invention from the TV series American Inventor was The Bladder Buddy. It’s a bag you piss in from the bleachers.

Worst News Story:

Writers go on Strike!

Apparently, making a $Gazillion to write bad TV shows while being completely out of touch isn’t good enough for the WGA. I’d rather read a book.

Worst Religion:

 

Jehova’s Witness

I can’t really get down with a religion that involves old ladies forcing homeless people to bother me at my own house. Whatever.

Worst Job:

Gay Politician

Being a major politician is already a pretty scrutinizable job, but having to hide your sexual preference to millions really sucks balls. Get it?

Worst City:

Aspen, CO

I don’t really understand the point of this town. It may be the most fake place in the USA, and the beer doesn’t flow like wine.

Worst Politician:

Larry Craig

There sure are a lot of perverted politicians these days, but at least the others had the decency to spank outside of public restrooms.

Worst Movie:

Pirates: At World’s End

I avoided it as well as I could, but I finally watched this crap during a 7 hour flight. I should’ve just taken 4 sleeping pills.

Worst Actor:

Jon Voight in September Dawn

Although I didn’t actually see this BSM, I can accurately judge from the preview that this is the worst move of Voight’s entire career. Ouch.

Worst Actress:

Leslie Mann in Knocked Up

I don’t watch Lindsey Lohan movies, so I have to go with Apatow’s insanely unfunny wife whose improv ruined yet another film.

Worst Album:

Volta (Bjork)

The fine line between music and noise becomes very blurry in this ear-bleeder. I generally don’t mind Bjork but this whole album reeks.

Worst Song:

“Rockstar” by Nickelback

This may be the most ridiculous song/video combination ever made. Many have considered the lip-synch idea, but never stooped to that level.

Worst Tour:

Caustic Christ

Check it out: An indie band that doesn’t sound like The Killers. The Ex-Friends don’t even put on much of a show, besides jam-tastic good-time tunes.

Yo, I couldn’t understand a word these cyber-punks were screaming. I just saw a bunch of skinny white nerds butting heads to the wretched noise.

Worst TV Show:

The Tyra Banks Show

I never really bought into the saying: “Everything that’s wrong with America”… until I saw this show. Sucks to be fat.

Worst Radio Program:

The Laura Ingraham Show

I used to listen to her just to get angry… but ever since she visited the Green Zone, she’s gotten too cocky to even suffer through.

Worst Magazine:

Star

It’s not so much the content of this ridiculous publication, but the fact that I am forced to read celebrity gossip while in line to buy snacks.

Worst Athlete:

Michael Vick

Just when I thought pro athletes had done it all, Vick’s Bad Newz Dogfighting kennels were found. Then he acted all innocent. Gay.

Worst Sport’s Moment:

The World Series

The World Series in general was the worst moment in 2007 sports. I can only assume that no one in Denver believes in God anymore.

Worst Artist:

Shepard Fairey

How is it that an artist today can get hired by one of the biggest bands in the world, and make such a piece of shit trash-bag cover?

Worst Website:

 www.mtv.com

MTV actually managed to make a website just as annoying as their channel. The clumsy flash makes any computer melt-down upon entry.

Worst Car:

Porsche Cayenne

Perfect for guys who wear socks with sandals: This SUV made by Porsche was created for soccer moms in a hurry or a family of 4 douche-bags.

Worst Drug:

Nicotine

Just say no. Cigarettes turn you into a stinky paper zombie. I seriously pity the fool who can’t manage kick the bad habit.

Worst Store:

Circuit City

How can I look through the CDs you don’t have when I’m being getting attacked by leeches that work on comission? No, I don’t want a 60″ TV.

Worst Restaurant:

Pizza Inn

I’d love to meet the genius who came up with the idea for this restaurant. How could he sit in a room with a straight face and pitch this? Yuck.

Worst Food:

Canned Peaches

Worst Hang Out:

Starbucks

How can people sit there and pretend to be on the internet when the place is so packed? Don’t they feel bad wasting valuable seating space?

Worst Accesory:

Fake Glasses

Glasses are supposed to make you look smarter… all these do is make you look like a drunk skank from NYU.

Worst Hair-Do:

Trendy

Looking like you just got a trendy haircut is a recipe for embarrassment, particularly if you got it both featherd & styled for around $35.